Simple idea on how to get the message across about bullies

[Paul]

I got this from my sister on FB as well, she used to teach until she got famous in the art world;

Paula - A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home.

[Otaku]

I think I might suggest that to my teachers next time bullying because a smash hit at school. Thanks, Paul.

[Paul]

It just seems like such a simple thing and my first thought was "Why didn't someone think of this before?".

Maybe they have and I am just seeing it for the first time, but it is so appropriate, good for ES for sure, but I wonder about the impact it would, or maybe, wouldn't have with 2nd or 3rd yr JHS's kids.

[himitsu]

yeah, maybe it works for some students, but certainly not all. nice idea though, worth a try I guess.

[GETAK]

My wife told me about some cool stories she saw in a TV special about bullying and parents dealing with it.

The only one I can distinctly remember was this one father whose son was being severely bullied by several boys (maybe middle school?).

He took it into his own hands and contacted the boys and their parents. He went and talked to them individually and said things like, "you're really hurting my boy... haven't you heard all the stories about kids killing themselves?... are you prepared to live the rest of your life with the responsibility of causing my son's death... etc."

Problem solved.

I think the school system only has so much ability to handle this. They can even elevate it if they're not careful. Bullies tend to be shitty little people with equally shitty parents who couldn't care less. My wife heard some mother at a regional sports festival bragging that her boy bullies the other kids. She was glad and relived that he was the bully rather than the victim.

This can only be solved by the victims and their parents. Teach the kid to have confidence, how to throw a punch, that pain disappears with time, but that you never forget bitter regret for cowardice.

Earnestly talk with the bullies and try to get them to understand how the victim feels, or the consequences. Rather than yelling and punishing them, have a heart-to-heart. All kids want to feel like they're being viewed with respect. I think the same goes for bullies.

To address the OP: that does seem like a cool idea and a way to really make them think about it. Sometimes you plant the seed of an idea that wasn't there until you said something. It may not get results immediately. But maybe the kids who did this little exercise will make a little jab at someone and realize later that they've hurt them. Then they might notice more and more the influence they have on the people around them.

Kids are resistant to listening to adults when they say things, I think. But it's important to plant these little seeds of ideas which might grow and eventually bloom and become part of their personality and thinking process.

[Kanashibari]

I should try the exercise next time with the 1st graders.

The girls at my JHS(being complete opposites of the college girls) are probably the best-behaved and best-mannered group of kids I've ever taught, but we still have isolated incidents.
For example, a couple weeks ago there's this shy, introverted girl in class who got bullied by the other girls who kept teasing her. I immediately reported it to the Vice Principal who kept them all after school giving them a stern yelling-at for 15 minutes straight, followed by their home room teacher: a quiet, kind-mannered, pretty looking Japanese woman, breaking down in tears while telling them for another 15 minutes how shocked, saddened, and disappointed she was at bullying going on in her class(she even made some of the male teachers cry with her speech).

This was followed by EVERY girl in the class giving tearful apologies to that one girl......

Problem solved, though I know it would probably have the completely opposite effect in a public school.

[Richard_BenoitEnglipedia Drone]

Yeah the girls who had to stay late would come to school the next morning and their first order of business would be to slam that quiet chick's face up against the wall, then hide her in the cleaning locker. That will teach her for making them stay late. How dare she act timid and lure the girls into a bully trap.

[himitsu]

wow kanashibari, sounds like you're teaching in paradise...

[Jeimuzu]

That crumpled paper is a good story unless some wise-arse thinks that using a hot iron might help smooth things over.

[jeisensei]

We had a assembly at school yesterday about the importance of life. Though it wasn't directly associated with bullying it still had some of the same themes. The guy that gave the talk lost his 22 year old son in a traffic accident 18 years ago. The beginning of the talk was good but it sure wasn't keeping the kids' attention. At about the middle point of the 40 minute speech the guy got out a balloon. He said it was a representation of his son. He said his son was born like an empty balloon, just a container or the hopes and dreams of others and also his own hopes and dreams. As he walked his way though his sons life he kept blowing up the balloon when he was talking about his sons dreams and what he wanted to do with his life. Then he got to the accident and suddenly popped the balloon with a pen. He slowly picked up the pieces and said "This is what was left of my son. All those hopes and dreams destroyed and never to come back to the same state." At that point some of the kids were crying. Needless to say it was a very effective speech and maybe good for bullying as well.