Personal Space, touchy feeling kids and what you do about it

[Paul]

Well what do you do?

A little background here.....

I am making my annual visit to one of the ES in the city that I work in. I am teaching in the 4th, 5th and 6th grade classes and have 1 period of instruction for each class. Since I am rather large to most if not all of the kids, 193cm 115kg, they see me as a polar bear and countless numbers of the little buggers love to come up to me, give me hugs, touch me on the arms, legs, literally where ever they can fit their little hands on to my large frame.

Boys and girls alike.

Now understanding the cultural aspect of "skinship" here, it is just one way for the kids to feel a familiarity or chance to get to know me yet it bothers me quite often that kids here need to have to be touchy feely. Now it could be because of the age of the kids that it annoys me, it could also be a part of the manner in which I was raised as well where people respected each others private space and kept their hands to themselves unless invited.... but having a bunch of 9, 10, and 11 year old kids run up to me and give me hugs and "feel me up" in a manner of speaking bugs the hell outta me.

My usually response is to tell them to stop. Yet on occasion I have to grab the hands of the repeat offenders and give them a bit of a squeeze to let them know that their affections are not appreciated nor will it be tolerated either.

I even had one teacher, a couple of years ago this was, make a formal complaint to my BOE and the school principal because she saw one 6th grade girl come running up to me an jump into my arms expecting a hug. She was developed for her age and the teacher, new to the school that year, thought that I had provoked the encounter and was welcoming the girls advances.

That was an interesting encounter. I had known the girl from when she was in 4th grade, parents divorced, no father figure in her life, and she was a very demonstrative girl. Other teachers, male, had the same experiences with her doing this and they all lined up including the female principal to defend me and explain about the girl and her personality. She has been receiving counselling since that incident btw.

My point is that one will never know who is watching and what impressions they will get when they see kids acting like that, particularly with the resident gwaijin. The same things happen with the Japanese teachers, yet noone that I know of anyway, think anything out of the ordinary or feel that the actions are strange in any way. I could relate other stories about HRT's and other gwaijin teachers but you all here get the idea of what I am talking about here.

How do you deal with it? Dont get me wrong here, there are times I would love to be able to give a kid a hug and let them know things are ok, but I dont and there are many times in my heart I have felt so bad for kids because they needed someone to care for them and show them some tenderness and affection but I always hold off because of how it may come across to those that dont understand.

[Otaku]

I know it seems bothersome for this to happen but the opposite would be even worse to have happen, where the kids fling themselves onto the opposite wall as you walk into the room. When I was teaching in ES on a regular basis, I had the same type of experiences happen. I'm not quite sure there is a way to make the 'touchy feely' stop, simply handle each case touchy-by-touchy.

As far as the relationship bonds you form with your students, I would say that's between you and your students. I think it's safe to say that most ES teachers are pretty keen to know a teacher is simply being teacherly. The tattle-tell teacher you described in your story sounds like an exception.

Personally, I don't mind the touches, I hate the kanchos! I have picked students up off the ground by their kanchoing arms for this very reason. One time, a teacher stopped dead in their tracks when I did this but as soon as they saw the stern face I had and what I was ripping into the kid about, they moved on.

@Paul, you big huggable bear you, I would take it as a compliment when a kid doesn't have a xenophonbic perspective of you. I would then go home and brag to my wife how all the girls at school have a crush on you.

[jessen100]

theres a first grader this year whos a little, maybe spanish looking boy, who has multiple times trying to kiss me. i repeatedly fend him off, but he comes back.

for the other kids if i dont want them to touch me i just wear a threatening presence.

my kancho rules are if you do it to me, you get picked up and your classmates have at you.
except the time when a group of my second year middle school girls kanchoed me
i didnt really know what to do then.

[bum1]

I leave the touching to high fives, pats on the back and handshakes. That's it. I am just really strict about that to myself. I don't teach ES so I don't really have any stories or anything.

[TENGU]

just say no, unless you want to set yourself up for trouble (which will come eventually)

[mangakk]

theres a first grader this year whos a little, maybe spanish looking boy, who has multiple times trying to kiss me. i repeatedly fend him off, but he comes back.

for the other kids if i dont want them to touch me i just wear a threatening presence.

my kancho rules are if you do it to me, you get picked up and your classmates have at you.
except the time when a group of my second year middle school girls kanchoed me
i didnt really know what to do then.

Ha ha I think they have a "thing " for you. lol Kancho

[Otaku]

You're probably not going to believe unless I post a pic...

[bum1]

Holy Hell!

[Paul]

Figures that Japan would have something like that to appease the otaku's.

[TENGU]

its from korea and nearly a decade old.

[Paul]

its from korea and nearly a decade old.

It is for the Korean and Japanese markets.....http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boong-Ga_Boong-Ga

[lkelly2477]

This is a tough situation to deal with. I am also a large man and, I'm having trouble with the same issue. I teach at an Eikaiwa and a Junior High School. At the junior high school I have a problem with the boys grabbing my chest or poking my butt. But I told the taechers and this stopped, but every now and then they slip up and I have to let them know I don't like it.

As far as the young and elementary students. It seem they are curious so they touch, because people like us are hard to find in Japan. No matter what I say or do it doesn't stop. In some classes this worked, I made classroom rules such as don't touch the teacher, along with a three strikes your out rule if you break them. Or setting up an incentive system like if they didn't break a rule that day they get a sticker. Once their card is filled up they get a special prize. Work with your teacher, I guess it depends on your JTE if you can do something like this or not.

Good Luck!